*** Let me start off by saying that I DO believe in love at first sight and that two people who are absolutely right for each other can meet and fall in love immediately with no problems at all. It does happen and it’s great when it does. Sometimes people just “sync up” and it’s history. But it doesn’t happen as often as we would like it to.
Can You Relate To This Story?
We’ve all been here a time or two…
You meet a girl who is unbelievably amazing. She’s a breath of fresh air and has everything you’ve desired and have been looking for – Looks, personality, sense of humor, voice, skin tone, etc.
She’s “perfect” in every way.
The total package. The real deal.
On top of that, SHE’S REALLY INTO YOU!
You and her hit it off, become instantly inseparable, and EVERY DAY is spent hanging out in person or chatting on the phone.
You both feel like you’ve known each other for years and you can’t get enough… so you become attached fairly quickly.
As the days go by, the intense “feelings” that you have for each other go through the roof and it’s pure euphoria.
You’re way happier than you’ve been in LONG TIME. Maybe even happier than you’ve EVER been and within days or a very few weeks, the feelings become so intense and you’re flooded with so many emotions that you feel the URGE to spill your guts and tell her you love her.
So you do… WAY SOONER than you normally would.
Luckily she’s cool about it and admits she feels the same way and both of you are on cloud 9 and in pure bliss.
BUT sadly, AS FAST AS YOU FELL IN LOVE and your relationship took off like a rocket, it unexpectedly crashes and burns a few short weeks or months later.
You’re a freakin’ WRECK.
You don’t want to eat, sleep, go to work, or even hang out with friends.
You feel depressed because ALL YOU WANT is her back.
But she doesn’t come back…
Bummer isn’t it?!
Now this isn’t the story every guy who falls in love fast and I’m not saying that love is a terrible thing. Sometimes it works great and ends up in very fulfilling relationships, marriage, and lasts many years.
But, for a very large portion of us who have experienced something similar to this story, it didn’t have such a fairy tale ending.
So that leads me to:
Can falling in love too fast with a woman we just met be a bad thing?
Is it OK to fall in love fast or get attached quickly with a woman we just met?
Well, I’ve been in the same situation more than enough times.
I’ve fallen in love too fast, went all in, and ended up getting stomped on in the process. I went in smiling and practically came out in tears! Haha
But I don’t care about that stuff…
What I really care about is what I’ve learned from the heartbreaking experiences.
So let’s see if we can figure out an answer to these questions and come to a sensible conclusion…
First, As Corny As It Sounds, You Must Respect “Love”
Before anything else, I believe love is a great thing. It feels awesome. It’s wonderful when you go to sleep or wake up in the morning thinking about that girl OR that girl you’re deeply in love with is there beside you!
It’s awesome when the girl who makes you insanely happy is on your mind 24/7 and you can’t wait to see her.
It can be hard to find anything better.
But I also believe love is something that YOU MUST RESPECT and not be careless with… like many people are today.
Love should be a BIG DEAL to you…
Meaning that you don’t want to mess around be “in love” with every woman who takes an interest in you.
If you’re not smart about love and you behave like a pre-teen girl meeting her boy band crush with every woman you “click” with, love can creep up and bite you in the ass really hard. Meaning, it won’t be a pleasant experience in the end.
1. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Be Unstable
Like all creatures, we’re naturally wired to find a mate. We come with that already planted inside of us.
And for many of us, when we don’t have a mate, we instinctively feel something is a little bit “off” or not quite sitting right on the inside.
When we finally find the right mate, the thing that’s a little “off” becomes “just right”.
It’s a bit metaphorical and sketchy, but I’m sure you get the point.
Love gives us that extra self-esteem, confidence, and motivation.
We can be down in the dumps as a single guy but when we’re in love, we feel like a million bucks. Like we can do or be anything! Like we’re unstoppable!
Love fills that empty spot inside us and makes us feel complete.
Many of us are ADDICTED to this feeling of falling in love and we don’t know how to pump the brakes when we meet women!
Ok… so how is that unstable?
Well, I believe that as fast as you fall in love, that’s how fast things can come crumbling down around you… as it often does.
Many of us meet a girl and go TOO HARD, TOO HEAVY, TOO FAST (as my friend Megan puts it) and we many fall in love quickly, but it also falls apart just as quickly.
Ever had that happen? All of us have.
Just like in business, if you grow too fast or make too much money too fast, your odds of sustaining that business or keeping that money are going to be low. But when your business grows SLOWLY and steadily, and so does your money, the odds of your business and money dwindling are A LOT LOWER.
There’s a lot of people and businesses that got rich overnight – but it also fell apart overnight.
I believe the same applies to love and relationships.
It’s all about slow and taking your time.
So what happens when that high of being in love becomes a LOW?
From my experience, it sucks. It’s the lowest of lows.
You’re down in a place you never want to be at again IN YOUR LIFE – depressed, hating life, and wishing you could stop feeling the way you’re feeling.
On top of that, it takes a while for it to go away.
It’s the “roller coaster” effect all of us have experienced from time to time.
This bottom half of love sucks ass…. as I’m sure you know.
Falling in love too fast and getting attached too fast puts us on this roller coaster more often than we’d like to be. It’s like every few weeks we’re up, then every few weeks we’re down in the dumps.
Here’s the cycle I put together from my own experience and from what I see others go through:
- You meet a great woman.
- You get excited about and “giddy” about it.
- You don’t practice self-control and things move too fast.
- Feelings of “love” sprout really fast and prematurely.
- You’re on cloud 9 from being in love with the greatest woman ever.
- Something “suddenly” happens that isn’t good.
- Instead of being cool about it, you freak out and try to fix it, but nothing works.
- It ultimately ends up “not working out”.
- You go through depression, sadness, hating life, and feeling like a failure.
- You eventually accept what happened and decide to move on.
- You meet another great woman, you get too excited, and the cycle starts over.
A lot of us have gone through this cycle a couple of times and it gets old REALLY FAST!
Shit, I’ve gone through this cycle a bunch of times myself because I got too excited and fell in love too fast!
This is why I believe it’s important to be balanced and take your time when it comes to love and getting attached to girls.
Personally, I know a few guys like this who are always on the extreme side of the spectrum with everything they do. When they’re in love, they’re REALLY REALLY in love. Then when it doesn’t work out, they’re REALLY REALLY dramatic, emotional, and childish about it.
Balance and stability is key.
2. Falling In and Out of Love Can Be Addicting in a Bad Way
When a person uses drugs, it’s like they’re giving their brain a piece of candy.
A chemical called Dopamine floods their brain and it makes them feel really good all over.
So good, in fact, that the more times they do drugs to flood their brain with this chemical, the more drugs they have to do to combat their brain getting used to the drugs and keep the awesome feeling coming back!
When we’re in love, our brain releases Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Oxytocin as well as other chemicals that are associated with pleasure and excitement.
These chemicals give us a natural high and make US feel good all over.
These chemicals make our “pain”, frustration, worries, and anxiety just GO AWAY…
But like drugs, if we overdo it with love and we’re careless, they can become HIGHLY ADDICTIVE.
Have you ever seen someone who was always in love with a different person every time you saw them and their relationships never lasted long?
They meet someone, fall in love, get bored, go through this emotional roller coaster that I described earlier, post a bunch of pitiful and dramatic stuff on Facebook, and then find someone else to make them feel that “high” again and someone who will make them feel “better”.
It’s an addictive cycle!
People do this because they’re addicted to these POWERFUL “love chemicals” that make them feel really good.
When the feeling wears off, they have to find another person to fall in love with so they can get another “hit” and feel that natural high.
They’re “Love Addicts”.
I’ve been there. Falling in love, falling out of love, getting weird, emotional, and then finding another person to bring me back up.
This cycle, unfortunately, gets you nowhere.
It’s like chasing your tail.
Try to notice if you’re in this cycle and do your best slow it down and take it easy.
3. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Be a Sign That You Have Low Standards
Those who have high standards are pickier and more selective about who they allow themselves to get close to, yet fall in love with!
Do you think women are attracted to a guy who will take just about anything that comes his way?
I don’t believe so because he’s too easy and, in a way, desperate.
If his standards were higher, he’d be pickier about who he allows to get close to him.
Women want a man with high standards. Who has a clear line drawn in his mind of what he will and won’t accept for himself and his life.
If he doesn’t have that line drawn, his attractiveness is lowered.
If he doesn’t have that line drawn, he won’t be very discerning in choosing a mate to have in his life.
In the end, he gets stuck with a woman who wasn’t what he wanted and who doesn’t, and never will, make him the happiest he could possibly be.
The clearer and more defined that line is for you and the higher your standards are, the more attractive women will ultimately find you.
4. Getting Attached Too Easily Can Mean You Have Poor Self-Esteem
Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to look for something outside of themselves to give their confidence and self-esteem a much-needed boost.
What better than to meet a woman who really likes you and who can make you feel LOVED?
Falling in love too fast will hurt your self-esteem, even more, when it doesn’t work out and your heart feels like it’s been ripped out of your chest.
Instead of looking for love to patch up your self-esteem, work on it yourself.
Figure out what’s causing you to have low self-esteem and go to work fixing that stuff.
To start, instead of looking for other people and things on the outside to make you happy, start looking to the inside and see what changes you can make to yourself to start increasing the amount of happiness you ultimately feel.
I call this your “default” happiness level.
It’s how happy you feel without any outside stimulation from other people or things.
Imagine if you were in another city, state, or country ALONE with no cell phone, no access to other people, and you had to be there for two weeks…
How happy would you remain? How would your self-esteem hold up? Would you cave in or be ok?
To me, it’s a good way of measuring your default happiness level.
You’d start figuring out how to make YOURSELF happier real quick!
We don’t need to latch onto a woman or get attached easily to feel better about ourselves. It needs to come FROM THE INSIDE FIRST. This way, your chances of it working out will be much better.
5. It Communicates That You’re Co-Dependent
Co-dependent people are dependent on others for stuff that they should be able to handle on their own.
They’re usually unhappy unless they have someone to latch onto – someone who will accept and be cool with their co-dependency.
But this isn’t exactly a good thing…
Falling in love too fast might be a sign that you’re being co-dependent because you’re easily able to latch onto another person without hesitation or second thoughts.
See I can’t be co-dependent and I can’t date a woman who is co-dependent. I don’t want another woman not being able to function without me being right there by her side and I don’t want to be the guy who can’t do anything without the girl right there by his side. It’s irritating and co-dependent relationships usually don’t last long.
Now if you’ve been married for a number of years, that’s a different story. Not AT ALL what I’m talking about here.
A guy who isn’t co-dependent and is more independent uses more caution, evaluates the situation, and proceeds with caution when it comes to “feelings of love” coming up for them. They don’t jump blindly into it head first.
He knows that something bad can come of it if he’s not careful.
You should be exactly the same way!
Don’t be a co-dependent guy when it comes to love and relationships. Take your time and evaluate things before giving into your “feelings” and excitement of love.
6. Falling in Love and Getting Attached TOO FAST Can Be Psychologically Unhealthy
The roller coaster effect of being “high” on love and then being completely down in the dumps can take a toll on you – psychologically.
Aside from being physically drained and exhausted from being down in the dumps, it can mess with your mind.
This may sound far-fetched BUT THINK ABOUT IT:
When you’re down in the dumps, it takes a toll on you physically – you can’t sleep, you’re worn out, feeling lazy, fatigued, and worthless. Well on top of that, you’re mentally messed up – your mind isn’t clear, you’re not focused, and you’re mentally drained.
Being in this state on a regular basis, like many are, can take a toll on you mentally.
Studies show that chronic or consistent depression can literally DAMAGE YOUR BRAIN as well!
Yes, brain damage…
Did you know that positive thoughts and being happy actually stimulate the growth of nerve connections in your brain? Well now you do.
What about depression and negative thoughts? It actually kills cells, neurons, and nerve connections in your brain.
They’ve actually recorded video of this happening! It’s crazy!
So falling in love too fast only to be left disappointed in the end can make you depressed on a regular basis as well as kill your neurons and brain cells.
Since many of us get addicted to being in and out of love, this cycle also brings on a bunch of useless and unnecessary stress.
I’ve seen men and women go literally insane from this stuff and wind up being extremely unhappy.
Falling out of love instantly or having your heart broken can also cause PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
PTSD is a side effect of a traumatic event – not only of war or a serious accident.
Getting your heart broken is traumatic for most of us, it cuts deep, and leaves a pain behind that can TAKE YEARS to go away.
Sometimes, it never goes away!
I can remember crying like a little bitch when one of my first girlfriends left me for her ex that just got out of jail. It was traumatic for me, lol.
But I make sure that getting my heart broken and getting depressed is not a habit for me.
You shouldn’t make it a habit either…
Spare your mental health and take it easy. Don’t make getting attached quickly and falling in love way too fast a habit.
If it is a habit, get rid of it.
7. It’s A Little Immature
My belief is when you’re approaching a relationship or courtship of any kind, it’s mature to look at it from different angles and proceed with caution instead of with your blinders on.
It’s immature to just jump head first into something that can affect your life negatively if it doesn’t go the way you plan.
Planning and idealizing new relationships is something you shouldn’t do in the first place.
A lot of us who fall in love to fast act like little middle schoolers who are liking a girl for the first time!
We just go all-in without thinking about what we’re doing and it can end horribly.
So a mature thing to do is to look at the pros and cons of the situation and proceed with caution.
8. Falling In Love Easily Can Make You Seem Like A Needy and Clingy Guy
Needy and clingy guys always NEED a woman to cling to. Hence the term “needy and clingy”.
If they don’t have a woman to cling to, they don’t know what to do with themselves.
Guys who aren’t needy and clingy and who are secure on the inside don’t do this.
Having the need to be “in love” or attached to a woman shows that you don’t have enough interesting things going on in your life and/or you aren’t happy with yourself.
Needy and clingy guys don’t attract great and high-quality women into their lives.
9. It Makes Your Life Chaotic
The lack of stability from always falling in love too fast and getting attached easily can lead to a chaotic lifestyle.
If you continue this pattern, there will always be drama, sadness, worry, stress, and a lack of balance in your life.
You may be able to handle it for a while, but over time it will take its toll and you’ll get sick of it.
10. It Shows You’re Not Happy Being Single
In my eBook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women – and Become the Man Women Instantly Want, I have a part called – Learn To Be Happy and Single First.
Many men who aren’t content being single or happy in their own skin always feel the need to be in a relationship to improve or increase the amount of happiness they feel on the inside.
They don’t spend the time necessary to learn how to be happy on their own FIRST before jumping into a relationship.
If you’re unhappy being single and your life sucks if you don’t have a girlfriend or significant other, you’re going to bring all that stuff into your next relationship, which will probably cause it to fail.
BUT, if you learn to be happy being single and you get your life together FIRST before trying to fall in love or get attached to a woman, then you’re going to bring those good things into the relationship and it’s more likely to work out and she’s more likely to be happier with you.
So What Type of Men Fall In Love and Get Attached Too Fast and Easily?
I think there are two types of men who act on impulse and fall in love way too fast before they have a chance to think it through.
- Men who lack enough self-esteem, confidence, and personal motivation to feel happy on their own. They feel they need to be in love, latch on, or be attached to a woman in order to feel good about themselves or in order to have that “I’m good enough” feeling. So they usually fall in love on impulse and end up hurt and feeling worse than they did before.
- Men who are addicted to the “love chemicals”. Men who are “love addicts”. These men have a decent level of self-esteem, confidence, and personal motivation, but they’re out looking for that next “hit” of love to make them feel amazing.
So Is Falling In Love Too Fast With Women You Just Met Always A Bad Thing?
I believe that if you’re using women to fill a “void” inside you and if you’re addicted to the feeling of falling in love then – YES, it’s a bad thing.
It can be a terrible and endless cycle of falling in love, getting hurt, and getting depressed.
Plus, as you’ll learn in my eBook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, if you fall in love quickly with almost every woman you get along with, it communicates to the woman that you’re not a challenge and you don’t respect yourself much.
It shows her that you’re EASY.
Women don’t want easy guys because in reality – most men ARE easy to get.
They want guys who are hard to get.
They want guys who don’t give their heart away to just any woman.
A special exception is if you coincidentally fall in love sooner than expected, you’re not a desperate guy, you’re not trying to fill a “void” inside of you, you’re not being needy and clingy, it isn’t something you do often, and it’s 100% genuine between both you and her, then go for it!
We only live once. Enjoy your life.
JUST REMEMBER, MANY PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE AS FAST AS THEY FALL INTO IT.
Its age old wisdom and knowledge that’s been passed around a lot.
So THE SMART THING TO DO is to TAKE YOUR TIME and DO YOUR BEST not to rush into things too often.
If the woman is moving too fast, help her pump the breaks and SLOW HER DOWN.
When Attachment Is Bad
As far as getting attached, it’s ok to be close to someone, miss them, and want to be around them.
BUT, where many men go wrong is they act like a child missing his mama.
If a woman sees you’re way too attached or you’re attached WAY TOO SOON, there’s a big chance she’s going to lose attraction for you pretty quick and move onto the next.
So be smart about that too and practice self-control.
Don’t fall madly in love and get super attached to every woman you meet.
So Let’s Wrap It Up
So falling in love and getting attached isn’t a bad thing, just don’t let it happen too fast and too often.
Letting it happen on a regular basis leads to a lot of problems and your ultimate unhappiness.
So if you want to be a more balanced and stable guy, be careful and discerning with your relationships because like they say, “Every one of them takes a little piece of you.”
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers
The post 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Fall In Love or Get Attached Too Fast appeared in Major League Dating.